King's Daughter's Kitchen

No… I wouldn’t relive 2016 to 2018, the years of my granddaughter’s life, in order to save her from the murderers I am testifying against in February. She is safe in heaven with Jesus instead of enduring a lifetime of pain I was oblivious to before a single, shocking phone call sent me to the Children’s Hospital and changed me forever. Because of the murderers, I couldn’t use my hands to rock her to sleep or brush her sweaty, blonde hair from her face ever again.

I wouldn’t relive the time because I can only change myself. I am not responsible for the choices of other people. In order to protect my angel baby, I would have had to change who the murderers were on the inside, and only God can do that.

I wouldn’t go back because I have learned now who God thinks I am. Before, I was living, breathing, working, walking in motion, and didn’t know who I was beyond my labels, teacher…mom….

Now, I am in relationship with my Father God. We talk to each other out loud. I hear His voice in my heart, my dreams, seconds of necessity in my day, and in creation. I am unashamed to freely dance or fall down in worship. I am alive with a purpose and a destiny. I investigate where I can serve. I found out work with joy is possible even though I am disabled and can’t work a regular job.

Though most of the “work” God sends me to is listening or praying with people who need Him, I learned. I learned to be still when it’s time to listen and to be brave and speak when it’s time to share. I find that I am in the strangest places sharing about my Jesus or praying for people who I meet. Now, l am brave and lay my hands on ladies in places like Walmart or Walgreens because they ask me to pray. My hands are useful again for God to use me to bring His healing. Most of the time, I don’t know the people. I would never have done this before. Love is an action verb.

I changed my vocabulary about myself. I used to think: stupid, fat, ugly, can’t, never, must, stuck, trapped, lonely, poor, weak, slow, unwanted, useless, and a conquest. Now I think: bright, creative, wonderful, healthy and healed, beautiful, pleasant, sweet, wanted, maybe, able, free, could, might, friendly, caring, wanted, loved, never alone, Daughter of the King, apple of His eye, worth far above rubies, defended by an angel army, strong by the power of His might, useful, and a Queen of my choices. No, I won’t go back.