Each entry shares choices God led me to make, choices that pulled me out of darkness and led me to live in His Marvelous Light.

Before I woke up and chose to live, I walked in a blur of everyone’s expectations, as a well-behaved, sick, fat, hurt

UNPERSON

Until August 2023, I continued to believe that I had no “self,” and often wished I could kill myself without hurting anyone… but God. God in His ever-present and allconsuming love continues to write my story. He keeps showing up. I cannot ignore His greatness.

I was born with Cerebral Palsy and other disabilities. Doctors fitted me many times throughout the years with newly prescribed leg braces and glasses and helped me to find therapies for walking, speech, occupational skills, and academics.

In adulthood, I understood my God-given gift of helps (I Cor. 12:28), and despite my disabilities, in the early 90s, I became a high school teacher and later earned a Master’s degree in reading. I am able to appear mostly “normal” despite a small bladder and a pronounced limp. Of thirty years of teaching, my last year was the most brutal. My bladder issues caused me to arrive late to work seven times. I was given a write-up, or self-improvement letter, which I signed, in humiliation. I did my best to remedy the situation but fought a losing battle with my own body. A person with Cerebral Palsy can have demylination similar to Multiple Sclerosis which makes scars over time and causes the bladder to become smaller and overactive, something completely beyond the person’s control. My boss refused to allow me to speak to him regarding my disabilities, and I retired at the end of 2021. I missed my students’ joy and laughter every day. I missed teaching them to help themselves. I lost my purpose and blindly began to gain weight.

I went to work for the State of Texas soon after retiring, but I stopped taking care of my health completely. I never learned how to put myself first in life. 

In 2022, as I drove home from the grocery store, a man ran a red light and hit my car head-on. My husband of thirty-five years was in the passenger seat. Thankfully, he was unharmed. I was paralyzed below the waist and spent months relearning to walk in rehabilitation therapy. Home nurses helped me to continue my progress until I could stand and walk with a walker and my regular braces. During this healing time, I gained more weight and became severely depressed. I stopped leaving the house except for doctor’s appointments.

When I was released from physical therapy, I was obese and absolutely miserable in the mind and body. But God…

God had another plan for me.

August 2023, I had ballooned to 258 pounds, had suicidal tendencies and major depressive disorder, and took 15 medications a day.

Today, August 2024, I have lost 80 pounds. I continue with my Christian counselor. The Holy Spirit has given me an infusion of joy and a renewed purpose to live. I take 4 medications. I am working with my healthcare team to stop those meds. soon.

I will share how My Jesus, my thoughts, my vocabulary, my food choices (recipes included), and my new habits changed my life for good.