King's Daughter's Kitchen

Singing or speaking at church in front of everyone has been second nature for me since I was about nine years old. Church people are really my family. My son ran the soundboard for me the first time I sang a solo at church and did an awesome job. He made me sound great.

Speaking to and in front of children and teenagers is also easy for me. They are willing to suspend their disbelief to go along with a story. They allow the unreal. I can cut up and laugh with them easily and use my many voice changes, like the squeeky Shmoo on the Flintstones, or a growly monster, or a little toothless old lady to tell a story or make a point. Kids learn while they laugh with me without realizing it.

If grown ups enter my classroom in the middle of the lesson, teacher face, no more voices. I’m afraid of their criticism, so I stop. The voices and goofiness are like secret superpowers I share only with my students and my close friends.

I spoke in front of parents when I ran the Parent Spell-down Challenge for a fundraiser. I was nervous, but I did it afraid. I modeled a lesson plan at UT Austin for other teachers. I was voluntold. That was terrifying. I did it afraid. I do what I am called to do. I lack the guts to volunteer, much less to go first, to be a Boss. I see myself growing into that bravery… someday.

My counselor recently gave me a self challenge, homework she calls “Poking the Bear.” When I am afraid, when I sense a trigger, or when I come up against something that in the past I was told not to do, or I was not allowed to do, I should “poke the bear.” I should try it, if it’s morally right, even if I am afraid, and see what happens. I need to find my personal likes and my voice, not just listen to other people tell me my choices. I’m learning to have and to voice that same power and emotional comfort level that I have with my students in the classroom out in the real world with no safety net. I’m trying this “Poke the Bear” thing. It’s scary with no one to speak for me but me. It’s weird and sad to think how long I went along to get along. “Poking the bear,” being brave, has been kind of fun so far.